I made it through the rain...
Now it's time for (a) change...

I'm not sleepy...

Katie has asked if she could use my blog today to ask for your help. So it's hers... for now. I will be back. Lucky you.

Dear Kevin's Readers,

I need your help to solve a problem that I have been going through with my husband.

Lately, Kevin has been having some "issues" with his sleeping. I don't exactly know when it started, but I think it was pretty recently. I've only really noticed it since my own sleeping has gotten worse.

While he doesn't really snore in the traditional sense, he has been making the occasional odd wheezing sound. They're actually pretty minor, but they also change. A couple nights ago, for example, it sounded a little like gurgling.

It almost seemed like he was having a nightmare because he was also rolling around kind of fitfully while I observed him. So I reached out and tried to calm him down by rubbing his back and shoulders.

For some strange reason, his sleep self thought this meant "intimate time" and he rolled over towards me and wrapped his arm around me. While I don't mind some cuddling every once in a while, I prefer we both be conscious while it's happening. Now, not only did I have to deal with all the radiant heat his body puts out, but he was also on my side of a queen size bed. There must've been a good two feet of room on his other side and he's over smothering me. Add to that he's now making his gurgle-wheeze in my ear.

I push him back to his side but he only winds up unwrapping his arm from me, but he's still on my side.

A couple years ago, when we were trading in our old bed that had gotten bad, I wanted to get a king size mattress. Kevin said no, because we already had many sets of sheets, comforters, and blankets for a queen mattress. Plus, he argued, we'd have to get a new frame, box spring, headboard, and footboard. He also seems to think he would still roll over onto me on a king size mattress.

My question, does size (of mattress) really matter? Would it help? Has it helped any of you?

In the short term, what can I do to get him off me (when he's asleep)? Don't say to tie him to his side of the bed because, even asleep, he'd probably still enjoy it too much.



Katie (the other kapgar)


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We have a King and it is fantastic, much better for sleeping arrangements - AND it provides for a big playground area for 'fun stuff'. BUT, having all this space means that when we go on vacation and end up with a queen sized bed we almost can't sleep because we are so used to being in our own space. For us, it was well worth all the dough to upgrade. Otherwise, stick a pillow in between you and he will stop there, well, maybe...


I'll be watching the answers to this one closely!! Hubs has apnea and restless leg syndrome so all the room in the world means nothing to us. It still sound like a train(unless he wears his breathing mask) and he still tends to kick me or elbow me! On vacation we had 2 beds in our room and we took advantage and slept separately. BEST DAMN SLEEP EVER!!! (We still managed to 'share' a bed quite a few times!!)


Having a king sized bed didn't help the snoring, grumbling, or the getting-pinned-down-under-the-dead-weight-of-sleep issue for me and the ex. Like Beth mentioned, a pillow down the middle of the bed seemed to help a bit. At least until he'd snuggle with it, then roll over and end up moving it to the edge of his side. Ugh! Good luck with this one.


I'm the one who tends to kick others. Bed size doesn't matter. I will still find you. Maybe the pillow would work.


i think if a person is prone to those kind of sleep patterns the size of the bed isn't going to help, sadly. let us know how it goes!


I'm with Beth above. We have a California-king (longer than an eastern king) since my DH is quiet tall. For the past several months we've been sleeping on a double bed...and OMG, I haven't had a good night's sleep in almost 6 months. The king is wonderful...plenty of space for you each to sleep but also plenty of room in the middle when you want to "meet up". Not a help with the noises but oh, the blessed space!


I agree with Beth about the king bed. That is what we have, and it is like you are sleeping alone - there is so much space! When we want to cuddle, one of us comes over to the other side.

And when Steven is snoring or being loud, I just poke him until he wakes up and stops. Hee hee.

So... get a king! ;) Oh, and come to DaveCago this Saturday :)


The best advice my father gave me when my now-wife and I were buying a place together was get a "nice" king bed and make sure the place has two bathrooms. He explained that's the key to a happy relationship. We spent a lot on our mattress and it's the kind that when I move she can't feel it on her side. I love my bed. (And I love having my own bathroom.)


Try making a pillow wall in the middle of the bed; that might help.


Beth, metalmom, Lisa, Dagny, sizzle, Lora, kilax, Jake, and Sandra, I'm responding on Katie's behalf. I think the government should fund a bed upgrade program. Maybe they can subsidize the cost of the upgrade because it will cut down on insurance payouts to people who need sleep medication or medical attention after their spouse beats them to within an inch of their life. But the body pillow idea sounds nice and it is something we have considered.

Dagny, even though I don't sleep with you, that sounds like a viable threat... and I'm scared.

Lora, never heard of a California king, but it sounds nice! Welcome aboard by the way.


Yes, king size bed is THE way to go... Now, the snoring thing? Not sure. May need to go to a sleep clinic and find out if he's developed apnea. Is he overweight? (Am I getting too personal?) They claim that can trigger it in people who never had it before...


Hello Katie. I will preface this by saying that I have my own sleep issues, although since being actually diagnosed I can say I have a disorder. (Sleep apnea, plus I can snore a building over). If Kevin is getting worse send the boy off for a sleep study. I have had sinus surgery to help my condition, not that it would be that way for Kevin. If nothing else if there IS a problem having it identified is half the battle.

As far as the king bed goes, HELL YEAH! We have our cuddle room in the middle (by middle I refer to the line that divides her two thirds and my one third). and our respective parts of the bed that we can go to when it is too hot to touch each other. (or we are pissed)

Whenever we sleep in a bed that is not a king we long for our bed, really it is the only way to go. Plus you could use new sheets and stuff right?


Oh yeah, and all my doctors have said that losing a few pounds will help with the snoring. I forget if I have seen Kevin in photo so I'm not sure if it applies.


Maybe BreatheRight strips would help with the snoring? They claim to. Allergy/sinus medications don't really work for me, so I use them to ease my breathing at night when my head is congested- helps me sleep better.

There are also drops for snoring and other things-sort of fuzzy pom-pons that would be draped down his back that might prompt him to roll back to his side if he rolled onto his back.

Good luck!


If he's complaining about being tired, or waking up all the time, get thee to a doctor for a sleep study. Sleep apnea is nothing to mess with. J stops breathing after snoring like a train for a bit - one of the scariest things ever when you realize that it's been a while since his last breath that you can remember. The CPAP is his (and my) friend.
As for the king, if you can afford it and have the floor space for it, I say go for it. Then again, I'm the one who hogs the matress real estate in our relationship.


Katie -

Shawn and I had the same exact experience. We'd always been comfy and content in our queen until we moved to SoCal and allergies and other factors changed both of our sleeping cycles. I would also try to soothe his snoring or noises by touching him then got the same result....I was like, get off of my side!

Two Christmases ago, we bought ourselves a king and have never looked back! If he snores, I don't even here it because I am way over in what feels like another continent! It's a beautiful thing having a king sized mattress; it's sort of like Tivo was...everyone says you should get one but you don't believe how awesome it is until you have it!

And Kevin, what the heck is going in with your sleeping stuff? Allergies? Have you seen a doctor?


I really, really, really wish Mike and I had got a King. Although, my boy likes to cuddle in the night too, so perhaps a king wouldn't make any difference.

Good luck with the bed dilemma Katie!


sue, I don't think it's gotten bad enough to go to a clinic. It's only occasional. And not horrible. Just annoying.

g-man, working on the weight thing.

claire, tried the strips but they never seem to stick.

Sarah, but most people I know who use the CPAP wind up sleeping in separate bedrooms because the one not using it cannot stand the noise it generates.

Hilly, it's not all the time that the snore/wheeze happens. Just occasionally. And I do believe it's allergy related. I think I'm becoming immune to this course of meds. Typically happens after I've been on one type for an extended period.

suze, Katie claims that more often than not, I'm not cuddling.


Yes, size DOES matter!!! There is so much more room in a king and it does feel like you're sleeping alone. Plus, when you guys start having kids, there will be enough room when they creep in. And they will creep in!


I think the middle of our bed needs to be electrified.


Is that an invitation to join you in a threesome?


August... ummm...


Invest in a taser.

Keep it on the nightstand.

Whenever there's a problem, give him a little zap.

Two zaps, and I guarantee he won't do it anymore.

Nothing that a few volts won't solve.


BA, I don't like you right now. Grrrr...


The king is definitely the way to go... it keeps restless legs and arms from creeping onto your side of the bed and helps keep things civil if you are having a fight, too.

As for the snoring, try the breathe right strips. They really do work well. During allergy season, my husband snores and my father and my father-in-law both snore like buzz saws all the time. They've all tried the strips and it has almost completely eliminated the snoring issues. However, if they don't help, then you should see your family doctor. There could be other issues causing the snoring.


Well the snoring is not a regular thing. It only happens occasionally, which is why I think it's allergy related. Katie just got me new allergy meds and we're going to see how those work.

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