Don't stand so close to me...

I truly cannot believe that I have to do this, but, here we go...

Kapgar's Rules of Gym Etiquette

1. If someone is in the middle of what looks like an intensive workout, do not try striking up a conversation with them. They are there to work out, not talk. When a person is in the gym with the intent of talking or flirting, you'll know. They will be halfassing it on machines, sashaying (not walking) around looking at everybody and everything... pretty much anything but really working out. Focus in on those people if you wanna talk, 'kay? When I'm working out the way I normally do, it's a struggle just to put together "hi... how... you... doin'... to... day?" Just nod or wave and move on and do your own thing.

2. It's understandable to smell a little bit after a workout. That's what sweating does to a person. But when you come into the gym smelling like you've spent the entire day rolling around in cow patties and you haven't even worked out yet, you might want to consider new workout clothes and a pre-workout shower. This is more for our sake than yours. The next time I have to sit in close quarters with someone that smells like rhino dung again, I'm going to club them with dumbbells.

3. Talking in a locker room is fine. I know some people have a problem with being naked and talking to other people of the same gender in a locker room. I'm okay with it, though. But, please, do not stand there naked in front of me dripping wet because you just took a shower and then attempt to show me yoga positions. Wrong on more levels than I care to count.

4. Some people do go to the gym in an attempt to work themselves out of cold or flu symptoms. So I can understand that, once in a while, you may be hacking up the proverbial lung while exercising. I don't like it, but I can accept it, so long as it's more of a rarity than the norm. However, when you've been doing this every day for more than two years, it might be time to see your doctor. And, for God's sake, make sure you cover your mouth every time you hack and bring your own towel and stop using the ones that the gym provides if it's going to be your personal gag rag! Those get washed and reused, dammit!

5. If you see several people in line behind you waiting to check in to the gym and there are only a couple towels left, please just take one. I am a big guy and I somehow manage to dry off after my shower using a single towel. So it kills me when I see some stick figure of a human being taking two neck towels for their workout and two body towels for their shower consequently leaving nothing for anyone else.

6. Stop trying to watch my video iPod over my shoulder as I'm working out! Get your own, you nervewracking sonsabitches! (to adapt a line from Billy Bob Thornton in Tombstone).

Soapbox dismounted.

Comments

[tori]

Did you read my post maybe a month ago about a woman getting into the shower with me? I would say that's a no also.

I am with you on all your points except the towel thing. I always take two because I need one for my hair and one for my body. My gym never has a lack of towels though and if there was a lack of towels, I would just take one and suffer through it because I am considerate like that.

[Allison]

I agree with Tori on the two towel thing. I take two because I like to have a separate one to keep my wet hair from dripping down my dry back... But if there aren't enough, I will only take one.

And I NEVER realized that that was Billy Bob Thornton!

[Karl]

Sorry about those yoga moves, dude. I was just trying to impress.

[kilax]

Wow, did #3 really happen?!

[Dagny]

Thank you for my morning chuckle.

#2 reminded me of why I took the kids on the field trip for the puberty talk. Some mornings I come into the room and the funk slaps me in the face. I think to myself, "Oh my and we haven't had recess yet." Needless to say the funk is worse after recess. And this is without the kid who has the flatulence problem. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to going back to work on Monday.

[kapgar]

tori, I can understand one for the hair. But we're talking guys with really short hair. What's their excuse? And, so long as you're willing to part with the extra towel when there is a need, that's fine. No, I didn't see that post. Link?

Allison, you of all people didn't know that was Billy Bob? "You're Wyatt Earp?"

Karl, please think next time before you go into full lotus, okay? ;-)

Kilax, yes, and he was in his late 60s. Not pretty.

Dagny, kid with a flatulence problem? Oh joy!

[Hilly]

I'm thoroughly skeeved just reading this so yes, I agree with your whole list!

[sandra]

God, Kevin -- why'd you write a post ranting about me? ;-)

[kapgar]

Hilly, I think what scares me more than anything is that these have actually happened.

Sandra, I knew eventually I would offend somebody on my blog. Besides Green Day fans, that is. Just sorry it had to be you. Still love me?

[g-man]

Thats why 1. I'm glad our gym has tv's for us to look at while we do our thing. 2. I shower at home. (All the towels I want and no yoga poses.)

I always seem to forget my iPod when I go to the gym (again happy about #1) or bring it when I am taking a class and can't use it.

[*lynne*]

ewwwwww nekkid *and* yoga positions??!!
[delete visual!!!!]
thaaaaaaanx :p

[Nat]

Now that you are off the soapbox perhaps you can give it to stinky BO man.

I will have nightmares about the yoga position ... ewwwwww...

[Kyra]

And this is why I workout at home. Not only do I not have to put up with that stuff, I can work out in my pj's if I want to, and no one cares. Well, except the cat, but he's over sensitive.

[holygirl]

As far as naked yoga goes the full lotus is ok, it's the downward dog ya gotta worry about.

[kapgar]

g-man, TVs don't stop them. Ever.

lynne, hey! You didn't have to see it live!

Nat, I still do.

Kyra, working out at home doesn't, well, work for me. Given the option of a TV or workout machine, I pick a TV. Actually, I pick my computer first.

holygirl, full lotus is just a name I threw out there. But the concept of downward dog terrifies me.

[TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre]

Nice dismount! I give it a 9.5!

[kapgar]

I like the new name. And thanks for the high score! I knew it was deserving of at least a 7, but a 9.5?!?! Woo!

[suze]

ahhh, gym ettiquite. How I wish more people followed it...

[kapgar]

We need some sort of policy allowing certain gym members the right to use a preacher curl bar as a club to beat other members who are in direct violation of our "preferred rules."