Deal me out

This is not something that any self-respecting man should admit to, but I am terrible at playing card games against other people.

Poker, spades, hearts, euchre, you name it, I blow at it.

* Kevin watches as his e-mail inbox becomes inundated with invitations to attend random card parties. Each with a $20 minimum bet and a $200 buy in.

But this inability is not limited to just card games. I'm terrible at other games like Risk and chess as well.

I think it has something to do with on-the-fly strategy development. I'm the sort of person that needs a bit of time to develop a comprehensive strategy and games in which time tends to be of the essence are not the ideal arena in which to hone these skills.

And that's only considering I actually remember how to play the damn game. I have been taught so many card and board games over the years and play them with such infrequency that I forget and need to be retaught all the time. I do remember how to play poker and Risk and chess, but any memory of how euchre, hearts, and spades are played always winds up escaping through some medically undetectable hole in my head evaporating into the atmosphere and likely having some negative effect on the ozone layer.

I think this is my only saving grace. So much time needs to be spent retraining me to play these games that the time during which I can lose my hard-earned money is quickly whittled away.

So, I've begun to wonder if maybe my mind intentionally forgets how to play these games as a sort of primitive defense mechanism. If so, God bless you, brain. Primitive or not, I've never wound up with an empty wallet or a bookie chasing me down. And I have never been forced to contact Gambler's Anonymous nor call the Parker Brothers as material witnesses in a divorce proceeding. This method is clearly brilliance at work... all while playing dumb.

Can you think of a better way to deal with this?