Automotive politics

People have pet peeves. Everybody does whether you realize it or not. Maybe it's something as simple as the person in front of you in line at the grocery store who waits until they are being rung up to fish out coupons. Perhaps you hate driving next to the person who leaves the cover on their gas tank open and you just want to reach out your window and close it for them. Some can be much more serious.

I have several pet peeves. So many I'm not even going to bother listing them all here. Suffice it to say I've got enough to choke a horse. Well, maybe more like a quarterhorse or a pony even. I'm not quite up to stallion-level peevage yet.

But the one peeve I would like to discuss today is when people use their vehicle as a political sounding board. I don't have anything against most bumper stickers and window decals. Most of them are fine. A logo showing support for your favorite sports team... great. A radio station... yay! Heck, I could even handle those white ovals with the W and the flag waving behind it showing support for Bushie in 2004 (no, I'm not a fan, as you all know; but this was a rather nonintrusive way to show support, so I was cool).

What I hate is when a sticker is emblazoned with some kind of politically motivated message that you can't help but read and then you regret having done so for the rest of the day. What's even worse is when you are subjected to multiple bumper stickers all with roughly the same message on one car.

That happened to me today on the way to work. I was stuck at a red light behind a Grand Caravan with three bumper stickers. I'm going to list each with my comments after it...

REMEMBER TERRI — obviously a reference to Terri Schiavo. Great, remember her. She deserves it. But don't make a martyr out of her. And, for God's sake, don't victimize her yet again by ravaging her memory to make a political statement. Oh yeah, I guess I should take this opportunity to let you know that buried under those two words was the URL stopliberaljudges.com. I'm not even going to bother turning that one into a legitimate link. Should you feel so inclined, type it in yourself. I do not support the idea so why make it easier? I just think it would be interesting to find out what Terri's opinion was in the matter. Would she have approved of keeping herself on life support all these years? Does she actually dig on liberal judges? What is her opinion on bumper stickers?

God is Pro Life — I truly do believe this. At least now. But when you've got all those instances of floods, famines, pestilence, hellfire, and brimstone raining down on humanity littered throughout the Old Testament, it becomes a bit difficult to say that He's entirely pro life, doesn't it? Maybe He had some kind of life affirming breakthrough vision. I'm thinking childbirth did Him in. Nothing like having a kid to make you reevaluate your view of life, eh? Not that I know personally, but I can imagine it would. I've seen so many people I know that have changed when they've had a child. And I can only imagine that the sense of pride and love would increase exponentially knowing that your son will grow to be the savior of humankind.

Parent 1: "My kid just got an A on his spelling test!"

Parent 2: "Well my kid scored the winning goal in his soccer game!"

God: "Yeah? Well my kid is gonna save all your asses, your kids' asses, and their kids' asses some day. Top that."

U Can't B Both Catholic & Pro Choice — My, my, my... where to begin on this one. This is America. Land of the free, home of the brave, as I recall. That would mean I've got the right to choose, wouldn't it? I know that this may be some kind of contradiction of ideals, but screw y'all. If I want to be Catholic and pro choice, that's my right and, ironically enough, my choice. And there is nothing you can do about it. Since I am neither, I guess I really don't need to worry, eh?

But I did learn one thing from this bumper sticker. That lesson is that U Can't B Catholic, Pro Choice, and Grammatically Correct all at the same time. C'mon, does it really take that much effort to spell out "You" and "Be"? Think how much more effective your message would be if you weren't spelling like some seven-year-old kid typing an instant message.

Some people just make it too easy. Oh well.

But since we're on the topic of political activism, I felt it appropriate to share one of my current viewpoints. It is very near and dear to my heart and I think many of you would agree. Help her before it's too late.