Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
It's been 32 years, 10 months, and... forget it. Let's just hope the body my soul inhabited before me was more repentant than I have been up to this point. Plus, we all know I'm not Catholic. Why pretend?
I am here asking for your forgiveness for killing one of your creatures.
It was a dastardly thing to do, but he didn't give me much choice. The little sub-rat bastard moved in my house. He wouldn't leave. He had taken up residency in the insulation of my stove! If he had been there much longer, he might've gnawed through cables thus requiring me spending hundreds of dollars on repairs or a replacement.
So I did it. I went to Ace and bought a trap. I couldn't poison him or he might die in the insulation and then stink up the place while rotting. I was told glue traps wouldn't work and might just hurt him more if he hits in an awkward position and stays there all night. Box traps wouldn't work because there was no way to set it up to guarantee he'd use it.
I needed something he wouldn't miss. Something I could set in the path that I had observed him taking several times before.
I bought a snap trap instead. And I placed it in that one spot... his common exit and entry point. Within 15 minutes of shutting off the lights, I heard it snap shut. During Letterman, too... just as six interns were about to be jumped over by some street daredevil.
He was killed instantly. No pain that I can imagine. He just laid there.
I instantly felt remorse over what I'd done. I even apologized to him. Too little, too late, I'm sure. But still.
I never wanted to kill him but I knew there was no choice if I wanted to avoid the fees for replacing our oven. And I cannot afford that. And nothing else was working. He was just too quick, too nimble, and too smart. And all he wanted was to avoid the cold outside. But these are all just excuses.
Even this morning, I can still see him in my mind's eye.
I'll probably be haunted by this a while.
