I found this message in my junk mail folder the other day. Don't ask me why I opened it -- even though I know I mentioned you should never just dismiss all junk mail just out of principle -- as this one easily should have qualified as "dismissable." But, sometimes, reading these e-mails can be fun in and of itself. And they can lend themselves to quickie blog posts...
From: Bridgette Cornell <MCMJJBVD@market-web.co.za>
Sent: Friday, November 11, 2005 12:26 PM
To: renatods@hotmail.com
Subject: let's meet comprehensiveGreetings
I am going to stay in the USA for some time may be we can meet each other and have some fun time or may be more. I am looking forward to getting your message to my personal email brave@realmeet.info.
I will reply with a picture
UDo noot oreply to this meRssage. WriteC to me direYctly.
flemish effluvia multiple stubborn asinine dey chime hoff errant pitchblende earthy jitter compacter glycerine teacart speak ipecac addenda bernini incommunicable amity meek brittany decertify spume repel galveston apostle feature auburn pair dadaist aristotelean murray
My dearest Bridgette,
Ohmigod! You're finally coming the USA and want to stay with me!?!? Oh, Bridgy darling, I've been so looking forward to this for so long! Please! Let's meet each other and have some fun time. And can I emphasize my desire to further explore the "or may be more" possibilities that exist for us?
I see you have forgiven me for getting married behind your back and for dismissing any of the previous e-mails you have sent. I apologize. It's not my doing. But we must keep our relationship on the QT. I'm sure you understand, don't you? If not, both my wife and your Zairean pimp will be hunting our asses down.
Can I ask what that list of random words are that you included at the end of your message? Are those compatibility criteria? Holy Cow! We really were meant to be together! I can see that now! We're both stubborn and meek?!?!
I live for role playing... I have no problem with you calling me Murray while I scream out Brittany during our jittery teacart escapades in Galveston.
And you're an Aristotelian Dadaist! I thought I was the only one. I'm melting into a puddle of gooey ipecac as we speak. The luck I have!
Out of curiosity, does "incommunicable" refer to your lack of proper speaking and writing skills or to the current status of your smorgasbord of sexually transmitted diseases? Oh, no matter.
Baby, I can see that you didn't think I would respond. Hence why you sent this message to renatods@hotmail.com and not directly to me. But, thankfully, renatods is such a good friend that he/she/it forwarded it on to me. He/she/it realizes we are meant to be together. I forgive you for your lack of faith. Just reply to me directly next time. You know the address. I have no hard feelings.
And can you make sure that the picture you send features you wearing that little number that you had on when we had our last multiple rendezvous in Amity? Thanks, sweetie.
Faithfully yours,
Bernini
